Yeah ok so the title pretty much says it all. Life has been super crazy, hectic, stressful, emotional and SUPER confusing. As I was driving home today for the weekend, I had A LOT of time to ponder about my life, what I'm doing with it, things I should be working on, where I want to go, my relationships with people, how I handle stress, etc.
Honestly it was an eye opening experience for me and let me tell ya, I am an idiot. Yes I am an idiot. I will admit it. Looking back over my first year of college and how I've handled certain situations makes me wish I could go back and do it allllll over. I know this is all a cliche' and all, but really, have you ever wished so badly that you could go back and change something you did, said, how you responded to something?
The car ride today made with wish I could change almost EVERYTHING about my first semester of college and the first half of my second semester of college. I'm gonna say it again, I've been such an idiot. I've been so blind and oblivious to things that were right under my nose and practically smacking me in the face. Now looking back it makes me so mad about some of the things I did. One thing is my first semester of college, I didn't work hard enough in my classes like I should have and now I'm kicking myself. I mean I did ok, it's just I wish I would've done more.
Another thing is how scared I was and still am to date. Silly I know, but I am just going to admit it right here, I am scared of dating. Like really it makes me so nervous. I think half of it is that I've been on many crappy dates and now I just get so stinkin' nervous that every date or guy is going to be mean to me or something. One thing that I've really been trying to work on this semester is just having more fun and not getting too worried about things. I get too worried and anxious. I'm a tender hearted person, and when it comes to dating I get really shy. I can be loud, obnoxious, fun and crazy in all sorts of settings, but it's just when I get asked out I get so nervous. I like being asked out don't get me wrong, I'm just trying work on the nervousness part and such.
Something else that hit me in the face while driving today is, the whole phrase that goes you never really realize how good you've got it until it's gone. Yeah I'm not going to elaborate on that one, lets just say I'm an idiot...yet again. HA!
Sorry this post is kinda all negative, it's just been one of those weeks and writing and venting on here feels really good. I'm not usually a negative person at all it's just been one of those weeks and everything has officially caught up to me. I'll only vent one last thing then I'll stop.
School is REALLY HARD!!! I like my classes and everything, but I am not doing well. Like my school life kinda sucks at the moment and I am working my butt off and it's like everything I do is working against me. I've done tons of different things to switch up my studying habits to help me improve my test scores and nothing is working. I almost feel like I've tried everything. I've asked Heavenly Father for help and I've been reading and studying my scriptures to help me have the spirit, which I know is with me I can feel it, but I'm at a loss in a sense of direction on where to go with my studying and how to improve. I know Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers, but right now He's kinda silent and I'm kinda needing Him to talk a little bit now. Please tell me someone out there understands where I'm coming from on this?! I know there is someone I'm just frustrated.
Ok I'm going to vent about one last thing. I LOVE MY CALLING!!!!!!! However, all I'm going to say is there are some VERY difficult people to deal with in this world. Which makes life confusing, upsetting, frustrating, etc. I love my calling and the blessings I've received from it, but it is dang tough some times.
WOW...ok so I am REALLLLLYYYYY sorry for all that. Life has just been hard, frustrating, stressful, and has honestly made me break down into tears. Which is good to have that release, but not when you're trying to keep your head on straight. Phew, ok I'm done with the venting.
Like my blog says, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." On that happy note I'm going to bed.
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